If you are preparing to speak at a wedding soon and the first line of your speech is “Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘love’ as”, delete immediately and read this post, because I’m talking to you! (Bonus points to anyone for catching this Friends reference).
Disclaimer: I am not contending to be a professional speech writer. And despite having to speak in public on a regular basis for my day job, it is not necessarily one of my fortes. However, as someone who is a good listener yet impatient and a frequent wedding planner and attendee, here’s some of my advice:
* Keep it Brief. Pro tip: do not include a line about how you are going to keep it brief. You’ve already wasted time, and in my experience, that’s a surefire indicator that you will be anything but brief. Speak to the bride or groom beforehand and find out just how many speeches will be part of the program. The sweet spot for a wedding speech is between two to three minutes. If you’re only one of two people speaking, then you may have a little more time. However, if you are one of eight (yes, I’ve witnessed this many speeches in one night) then keep it to a minute or ninety seconds. You would be surprised with just how much you can say in that amount of time. And if you’re jokes are tanking, you’ve already sat down before people can judge too much.
* Practice! Write something down ahead of time. Depending on your level of comfort, you do not have to write it out verbatim, but having at least two to three bullet points will ensure that you deliver the important messages. Remember that emotions can be running high on the day of, as can the alcohol, and you will thank yourself when you can rely on roadmap in your head. It’s also good to practice for finding out whether you will stand in one place, pace around , whether you will be emotional and what to do with your hands. If you are writing out your speech word for word, then memorize it! Having notes as a crutch can be a good idea, but squinting and reading each and every word will instantly make you less interesting.
Photo Credit: Tara Sharma Photography
*No inside jokes. Speaking of interesting, these are are not. There’s a reason they call it an inside joke, only two of you get it and no one else cares. Don’t just shout a list of buzzwords or say “remember the time?” followed by some nonsensical story that’s only funny to you and the subject of your speech. If you want to share an endearing memory, keep it appropriate, provide context and make sure there’s a punch line or something that connects the story to this momentous occasion.
*Toast not roast. While teasing, or telling a funny anecdote can provide some humor to your speech, make sure you always end on a positive note. Relentlessly making fun of the person who asked you to speak for the sake of some laughs can make you come across as mean-spirted or jealous. One would think it’s common sense, but this is not the time to bring up any exes or failed accomplishments. You should also end by including the person to whom your friend or family member is marrying. If you don’t know their significant other well, don’t put that on the record, simply wish them well in their marriage and call it a day.
All the great speeches I can remember from weddings are from the heart. Whether they are emotional, humorous, or both, a good speech lets the audience know just how much the speaker cares about their friend and family member. Putting some thought and attention to what you will say on their big day will speak volumes and will provide a lasting memory for years to come. Cheers!